Friday
05Jun2009
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Friday, June 5, 2009 at 08:32PM 
It’s the bold, not the meek, who vault higher during hard times. Fear leads nowhere; enthusiasm can lead everywhere.
People who bind themselves to what they love tend to succeed in some way, shape, or form. — Jacquelyn Mitchard, Why Passion Matters
Thank you, Ellen, for sending the link to this wonderful article!
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Reader Comments (16)
to get life more frugal
to go back to the roots
and i'm discussing with my neighbors to plant vegs in the garden
they don't like the idea but i wait patiently and discuss and discuss *giggle*
i love your blog and flickr site and i think you are on a very good way
i would like to have homeschooling in germany
send all my best wishes
birgit
I love this. This idea is actually helpful as we seek balance for our children's lives. We choose to spend more time and energy in the areas where they are passionate, rather than trying out every sport and activity under the sun just because the neighbor kids or kids in school are.
One of the most satisfying parts of parenting to me is seeing where God has gifted my children and how they develop those gifts as their own personal calling. To me, that's what the idea of vocation is all about-- I don't want my kids training for jobs in those college years that will be here before I know it, rather, I want them pursuing their vocation with a sense of purpose.
Last night I had the rare opportunity to be alone with my 13 year old and we talked for about an hour about his dreams of what he'd like to do this summer. Areas he would like to explore, opportunities he'd like to take part of. It was so peaceful and rewarding, that talking. We talked about passions and trying new things and putting yourself out there in the world.
About dreaming big - the only thing I worry about is that I'd like my kids to dream big but be able to live the way they want to... Live within their means. So, if they want a lifestyle that includes lots of 5 star hotels, fancy meals, someone to wash their kitchen floor, then they may need a job that provides that kind of income. If they are happy traveling (or not) with less money to burn, happy to live in a smaller house, etc., GREAT. Unfortunately, maybe I partly think that way because they are boys, to be men, to be providers for their family? Ah, so much to think about....again!
I was "the bookworm" and "the practical one" growing up (still am known as such in my family, actually)- in reality I am so much more than that! It was just another type of box to fit into. My mom (bless her heart for believing in me) still believes I'll be a famous author one day. A big dream, yes, but not MY big dream!
I hope I'll be able to step back one day and let my girls dream their own big dreams. I hope I'll be able to let them change their minds if they want to and create another Plan A, not a Plan B, when the first Plan A becomes something that they no longer want to pursue.
I think life is long enough and interesting enough to pursue all sorts of big dreams.
(Mine was to raise a family of my own- and here I am. I wonder what else I'll do?)
Recently, there was a great article in the New York Times, The Case for Working with Your Hands ... by a guy who got his Phd in Philosophy and started working at a think tank, only to realize his real dream was to fix motorcycles ... so he quit the think tank and did it. Bravo. In my next life, I might be a plumber ... although I really do enjoy what I do now.
diana, i feel that way — i don’t want my sons’ childhood to be spent preparing for their adult life, their adult job … i want them to be living as fully as they can *now*, today, exploring their interests, delighting in what delights them now.
rather than a mini-adulthood, childhood should be, in my opinion, building a foundation for adulthood … learning about life, about love, about work, about the world, about their talents and passions …
cathy, about dreaming big … i think the only way we learn is by actually doing things ourselves. if we hold children back from pursuing their dreams, we’re jumping ahead and saying “this won’t end well … let’s just avoid the heartache…”
if one of the lessons coming for them is “you will have to make a choice between five-star hotels and the work you want to do”, i’m okay with that. let them understand that choice and make it on their own.
the idea put forth in JM’s article is strongly related to project work — do we go through the material first and decide what will work, what won’t, what’s age-appropriate, what’s doable? or do we just hand them the world and say “go for it”?
jen, i really do believe enthusiasm can lead everywhere! :^)
kyrie, yes — instead of seeing potential careers in children (or ourselves), seeing bundles of potential and talent and ability and passions and interests … ingredients that could make a number of interesting lives, jobs, pursuits …
i suppose parents are afraid and want guarantees for their children … as maybe many adults are afraid and want guarantees for *themselves*, so they make life choices attempting to make sure they’ll have what they need. but life is unpredictable and so much bigger, offering so much more variety than we consider. fear holds us back from finding out what we can do, what we can have.
lol re: your sister’s quote — i’m *sure* she’s going for humor there. :^)
i was just saying yesterday that i absolutely loved running the school, which took an enormous amount of time and overlapped my home life extensively … but i am just as happy now, if not more so. i think the key is enjoying each phase of life — just as we were discussing on the previous post how we should enjoy each age!
When I was 5 I wanted to be an artist and a writer. My parents were not discouraging, although they weren't particularly encouraging as far as opportunities, either. "Everyone" took dance, so I was signed up for dance, but no one thought to provide art opportunities, for instance. My father would encourage me to write, convinced I would write a great novel "someday." He still says this. In a classic Alfie Kohn reaction to that sort of praise, I found his expectations kind of crippling. And now I just want to say, "You know what, Dad? I don't find novel writing FUN!" I wonder whose dream that was--mine to write a novel, or his to have a daughter who wrote a novel.
It's a very fine line, is all I'm saying.
Now. Whilst attached to a sleeping baby, I have some dreaming to do. :)
i think it’s the dreaming and wide-open attitude toward life that is important, not the eventual success/failure, which is what most people focus on — especially parents who are trying to get their kids to forget their dreams.
after all, if the journey is the important part and not the destination — and we spend way more time on the journey — shouldn’t it be about the things that matter most to you? in the end, does it matter if you win an academy award? or lived your most authentic life?
i love your point about not getting too enamored of a choice your child makes — it would be so easy to do, and maybe it’s even unavoidable to some degree. (can we hide our obvious enthusiasm?) but children can so easily be swayed by wanting to please a parent, and we want them to follow their own true path. i agree, it’s a very fine line.
and i agree re: keeping and encouraging our own dreams — i think it’s the best possible way to encourage our children to follow their own — teaching by example, a life pursuing what you care about the most deeply.
This weekend I have been reading Georgia Heard's book Awakening the Heart. In it she writes that her grandmother, when told by Georgia that she wanted to become a poet, said she would pay for her college if she became a cartographer instead. Georgia said no. Several times before her grandmother died she told Georgia how sorry she was for not believing in her but she was afraid she wouldn't make a living. She also told her granddaughter how proud she was of her. A good example of believing in yourself and your children!
These quotations really resonate with me, as our family is getting ready to embark on some new adventures. I pretty much equate "new" with "scary." I have spent most of my life playing it safe, and downsizing my dreams. But I think you eventually reach a point when you have to decide if you're going to live boldly or let the fear hold you back. I don't want to just sit back and tell my children to dream big while I'm doing just the opposite, you know? That's not the example I wish to set for them. I certainly can't preach the importance of living authentically, if I've given up on that goal myself.
So, while it is a great leap out of my comfort zone, we are in the midst of turning our lives upside down in hopes of achieving something better for our family. I think I will write those quotes down and refer to that linked article often -- can't let the fear win!
re: choices being limiting, i think it’s hard to hedge your bets. living your life is like crossing a stream by hopping from stone to stone — you have to keep moving forward to see your next selection of choices!
ce, thank you! i don’t think you *can* tell your children one thing and do the opposite. i think they always see through that. good luck on your new adventure!